By Suzanne Roberts Resilience and grit are words we hear frequently today. What do they mean and how are they different? How can they help children, adolescents, and adults? The Oxford Dictionary defines resilience as “the ability to recover quickly from difficulties” and grit as “courage and resolve.” So, it may be helpful to think of resilience as the capacity to “bounce back” or “bend but not break” and to think of grit as “perseverance.” It can be said that we all face myriad difficulties in our daily lives. Why then, are some able to face adversity while others struggle? Why do some flourish while others fail to grow? And how do we help our students to bloom even when the conditions may feel challenging? This is a big question, and one for which we do not have all the answers. The research does show us places to start, however. There are things we can do to grow resilience and grit in ourselves and in our children. We can work to grow coping skills, to grow an understanding that failure is a part of life, and to grow optimism. We all cope with life’s challenges in different ways, and so will our children. It is valuable for us and them to have developed a toolbox full of coping skills that can be used when needed. Coping skills are any tools or techniques that help someone handle a difficult time or situation, and can be as simple as petting your dog or as elaborate as taking a long awaited vacation. Our coping skills tend to be varied, and include deep breathing, taking a walk, meditating, exercising, singing, engaging in a favored hobby, reading, helping others, listening to music, playing a game with a sibling, hanging out with a friend, praying, journaling, etc. You get the idea. There may be no end to a list of helpful coping skills. It is extremely valuable for each of us to have a long list of the things that bring us joy, help us feel healthy, and can help us through a tough day, so that we are ready and feel equipped to meet the next. It is also important for us to help our children understand that life is full of change, disappointment, and even failure. For one to learn that they can get up and try again, they must first know that falling down is part of life. Understanding that we don’t always win and we can’t possibly finish first every time is invaluable in tolerating setbacks and learning to keep trying. Michael Jordan said it so well when he said, “I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.” He recognizes that he developed resilience and grit not through constant success, but through disappointment and failure. Teaching our children to get up, dust themselves off, and try again can help them immeasurably. Growing optimism in our children means helping them to harness the power of positive thinking. This provides the opportunity for them to see the glass as half full, to recognize the potential in a situation, to see what can be done. Optimism should not be confused with a “Pollyanna-ish” inability to see the reality of a situation, but should be instead understood to be an ability to recognize and believe in the possibilities. Growing optimism can help us and our children to see that a setback is just that, and a roadblock is not necessarily the end of the road. It can help to take the “t” off of “can’t,” which can further open up possibilities. It can help turn the challenges into opportunities.
These are but a few ideas on how we can work with our children to build their resilience and grit. For more information, a few resources are provided below. •Ted Talk: Angela Lee Duckworth with Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance https://www.ted.com/talks/angela_lee_duckworth_grit_the_power_of_passion_and_perseverance •The Optimistic Child: A Proven Program to Safeguard Children Against Depression and Build Lifelong Resilience by Martin Seligman, PhD •The Road to Resilience http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/road-resilience.aspx •The Yes Brain: How to Cultivate Courage, Curiosity, and Resilience in Your Child by Dan Siegel |
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